19:17 Today I had a fellow mom over for coffee — coffee not wine! Which turned into herbal tea since we were both actually in the mood for that when it came down to choice. This wonderful woman turned out to be some kind of soul twin. You know those people with whom there are so many odd similarities?
Anyway, we had a fantastic time talking together drinking herb tea for three hours straight while the kids ran around doing kid stuff, and then it was time for us both to get to cooking dinners for our families.
And now I am exhausted, cooking dinner for my family. As perhaps, she maybe is, if she’s anything like me, while she’s cooking dinner for hers.
I’m not sure how to write this post, as I sit here at the table while the rice bubbles down and the bean sauce simmers and the kids are glued to their screens. After all this is a sobriety blog and not private and not supposed to be just total randoms from my brain’s inner spiralling nor discussions of other people’s business.
So what’s my point.
Well, in terms of sobriety, and speaking from the perspective of an extroverted introvert, or ambivert as some might call it, I can say that I have discovered myself to be just as tired after any social situation while sober, as I was after a social situation while drinking. I absolutely love it all in the moment, but I afterwards I feel drained.
But it’s way better sober since here I am actually cooking dinner on time (wellll, almost!), instead of say, opening another bottle, to calm myself down and “unwind” after all the social stimulation. And I won’t be kicking myself tomorrow. And awesome bonus: this isn’t a drunk blog post. Lol. (Yes, I actually used to do that. “Hi world, I am so drunk right now!”) Thank goodness those days are over. That did NOT feel good the next day. Like, crying-in-the-shower not good.
And I can say that I still have other issues to tackle, like the kids’ screen time and my own screen time (writing and reading and social media), and maybe not blabbering quite so much, to someone I just met, even to someone who seems to be yet another soul sister.
But I also feel just really, really happy to be sober. And although I’m sort of dying to help anybody who seems like they need help, even in my offline, physical vicinity, I might not be able to withstand the energy withdrawal, yet, which that would cause. If I had a group of “real-life” sober people around me, then maybe yes. If I had a “real-life” sober “sponsor” or mentor of my own, then maybe yes. But here on my own, in “real-life” probably no. Almost certainly no, actually, if my recent personal history is any indication.
Please know, if you are still out there struggling, that surprising numbers of people around you maybe be experiencing similar issues as you, similar struggles with addiction as you, even though they (and/or you!) might not call it that, and even if it’s a mild, high-functioning version, and that your eventual sobriety, much as it may seem to isolate you from one group of people you used to hang out with, may bring you eventually closer to a whole new group of people. Which is wonderful, especially when those people are wonderful and share so many similar interests.
But, what I have learned from past experience and attempted sustained sobriety is that instead of thinking you can singlehandedly change the little world around you, through your beautiful pink-cloudiness and/or through their admiration of what you are doing, you might actually want to retreat back into your shell a bit from time to time, and think, well, maybe it’s enough for now that I am changing myself and my own actions. And just hold on as long as possible to that bit of extra space that was created when your drinking “friends” suddenly fell out of the picture.
Sorry this is such a lame post. I should have written it differently, just telling of my own exact past experiences on that topic, rather than spouting random advice. Of course I don’t know what’s best for anybody else out there. But I’m seriously exhausted. I guess I don’t have it in me to make this post any different or better now.
me, with the sobriety tree.
p.s. Update on the rosé: I didn’t even think of that leftover bottle of rosé all this time since that post that mentioned it. Which kind of shows me how much my mindset has changed this time around, from other times I can remember. But I know my new friend sometimes drinks wine and I thought I might offer her a glass as it was getting around that time in the evening (and I would have longed for that, in her position, back in my wine-loving days, after hours of herb tea), but when I went to look, the bottle was no longer in the fridge. I later checked the recycling and it was there, empty. And not drunk by me. In case any of you were worried or wondering, just thought I’d ease your minds. :)) I guess the hubster must have drunk the remainder of it on the weekend.
If that bottle had been in the fridge still, and my guest had said yes to a glass, how exactly would I have dealt with myself not drinking alongside my guest? I’d already decided in advance, that I would say I’m not drinking at the moment, and if asked why not, I would take a cue from Soberandwell‘s blog, and say “I’m happier without it.” And that would have been the truth.
p.p.s. The house is clean. Quite a thing to behold. As you can imagine I was a cleaning mad-woman for the two hours before my new friend’s arrival. I love that about having people over. But it’s still a clutter bomb. Ah, life with kids.
p.p.p.s. I feel much calmer now. I love that about writing stuff down. Thank you fellow sobriety bloggers, and sobriety-supporting readers. Without you, not sure if my sobriety would even be possible. Well, at least not as easily as it has been, this time around. Community and accountability, even or especially anonymous, feels key.