The reasons

I am beginning to remember all the reasons why I quit drinking. Sometimes it’s hard to remember. So much fun can be had by drinking. So much release. So much freedom. So much relaxation. I don’t want to pull curtains over that. It’s the truth. Sometimes I most easily “reached god” through drinking. Sometimes I most easily connected with other people through drinking. The kids are about to knock on my door. I have to be quick. I chose a watch. I am okay with how long it takes me to decide on things because when I finally decide my decision usually lasts a long time. One time in paris I spent like half a day deciding between two winter coats in a discount shop. I love bargains and love beautiful things. I like to shop on my own. Anyone with me would have though I was nuts, how long I spent deciding on this, and then I ended up keeping both since they were both so perfect and so inexpensive and so different from each other. But guess what? Those are still my winter coats, five years later. And I still love them, though the seams soon might not bear any more repairing. Anyway. I did not keep both watches. But I choose one. And it has a chronograph which was hard to figure out at first but now I love it. I am timing my writing right now. It’s more fun that way since I just pour words out like it’s a game and I don’t worry I just write. So what I wanted to say is that I became sober for a bunch of reasons. But the main one was that I wanted to be myself. And hear myself. And find out who I am.

7 minutes 42.4 seconds. Well not exactly. I pressed the stop button a little late.

My watch also shows the day of the month. It says 30. That means I am five months and 3 days more “myself.”

My second son just came to sit beside me on the bed. He is looking over my shoulder. I feel a bit self-conscious now.

He said nice watch. It really does suit you well.


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